I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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