Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hope mine doesn't look like that
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
