i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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