K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
