Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So much rum. So many feels.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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