after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
