I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
