They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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