the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
