She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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