stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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