you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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