I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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