walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
it's like iHOP with fire
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
