24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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