Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?