sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?