i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.