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• (520): View more from Arizona

  just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??

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• (408): View more from California

  I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.

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• (804): View more from Virginia

  Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  What can I say, I'm a giver.

  (1-608): View more from Wisconsin

  Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (425): View more from Washington

  I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms

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• (651): View more from Minnesota

  god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs

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• (801): View more from Utah

  If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.

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• (+38): View more from

  I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood

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