Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security