I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch