I CAN MOONWALK!
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
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no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.