I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
