don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
