Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
