Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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