Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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