piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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