why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
