I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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