so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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