So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
