First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I understand Curling. That high.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
