Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
