I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
My sheets look like a crime scene.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
