The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
