I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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