Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
