i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Randomize
