my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
