tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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