But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
