And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
