That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
