I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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