perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
