She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
