just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
