I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
