I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
