Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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