He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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