It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
