No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
I'm really busy with my period
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