Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
