yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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