Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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