He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
