i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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