So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I smell stomach acid.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
