I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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