Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
