I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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