what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just high enough for therapy.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
